Surrender

Why is it so hard for us to surrender, I mean like really, fully surrender everything? How many times do we say we are surrendering but still hold onto something? We walk around and put on a good face but yet we are holding our hands closed tight. So tight our knuckles are white, we have something that we just can't hand over to God so instead we hide it in our closed hands. How are we supposed to have complete freedom in Christ if we don't open our hands and allow God to work? Why is it that we still hold onto these things? We have a God who loves us so much and wants us to fully experience all that He has for us. We will let Him have some things, but there are still these things we hold on to. God is asking us to let Him in, to allow him to open our hands and take away the hurt and pain. If we truly allow Him to take everything then we won't have to spend so much energy holding so tight and worrying. We will have freedom in Him. What does life look life to be fully surrendered to God?

In society today we determine what is okay to share with people and what's not. I mean we would hate to be judged or thought less of, right? But that's not what life or living in community is about. Let's be vulnerable with each other, let's open up, let's love each other as God loves us. None of us are good enough, none of us are perfect, none of us have it all together, that's why we need Jesus. So let's all stop pretending all the time, let's be real with one another. Let's share each other's burdens without judgement. We need to be the church Jesus called us to be, loving not judging.

Love Fall!

Fall is my favorite time of year. It is just so beautiful outside, there is something about the chill in the air and everything that comes with fall.... boots on our feet, scarfs around our necks, pumpkin flavored food and drinks that are so delicious we crave them all year, crunching leaves under our feet as we walk and so many other wonderful things. 

Over the past few weeks when I am driving around I get caught up in looking at the fall colors, sometimes it takes my breath away in the amazement of the beauty surrounding us. I think about the detail that went into creating this earth, I mean God could have just had the leaves fall off the trees, get raked up, and let the winter begin. But instead He made art work out of things that are only going to last a few weeks before falling to the ground and not be thought of again until the Spring when the trees bloom again. If God puts that much detail into every single leaf can you imagine the detail He puts in our lives?  It is hard to think about how incredibly marvelous that is, what a hope that should give us for our life! God created us with detail and beauty in mind!

We may be in a season where we feel that life is hard, that we may feel that the storms are coming, that we don’t know if we are going to make it through gray season, or even feel a season of darkness and hopelessness that we can’t see the light at all. But we have to trust and have faith that God is working, that He is with us, He will get us through this storm. When we look back on today many years from now we will be able to see the beauty and the purpose of this time that may seem right now like we may never get out of it.  It is always amazing how time can make things seem better and allow us to see a different perspective. My challenge is that while we are in this season, let us open our eyes to see the beauty around us, to see the small things to remember that God has us in His loving arms and He will pull us through this season. Let us hold tight and spend time with God so that we can see the colors around us, even if we can only see one yellowish-reddish-orange colored leaf at a time, let us hold onto that leaf and know that there is a big picture, an ultimate plan, that God is going to create beautiful things out of this season, past seasons, and seasons to come. With a God that puts so much detail into each leaf on a tree, there is no way he doesn’t have a beautiful detailed masterpiece for our lives, for each one of us. 

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

As the leaves are falling and the beauty around us will soon turn into a different beauty of snow and winter, let us take in each moment and remember it, as it will be a small part of the masterpiece of our life. 

Learning to Listen to God

 

I think that learning to listen to God is hard. I think that so many times we pray for things and don’t listen for the answer. How do we really know if we are doing what God wants for our lives? How do we know if we are living all for God? I don’t know if I necessarily have the correct answers for these questions, but I do know that I am listening to God, and truly praying through things before doing my own thing. How do I know that I am doing this? Because God is showing up in my life all the time.

Kurt and I have had a lot of transition in our lives since last July. We have always worked through these transitions and relied on God through them. The first transition was when he got laid off last year and he found a job relatively quickly. The transition was that it was an overnight position. I think when he first started we were so grateful for a job so quickly that we went with it. We also knew that Kurt’s dream was to go to seminary for counseling. This was a time where we looked into that dream to make it a reality for him. We decided that we would have him work overnights so that he could start school spring semester and work full time still. Spring semester came and we had another transition, not only was I alone while Kurt was at work all night, but he had homework, all the time. In the midst of this transition Kurt and I led a trip to India. God was teaching me so much during this time. I learned that God had called not only Kurt to seminary, but it was both of us, that I have a part in Kurt’s dream too. At the end of spring semester Kurt and I sat down and had a conversation about this full time work thing with school. We both agreed it was too much. We began to pray about what to do. We live off of both our incomes and how would we make it if Kurt wasn’t working full time. As we were praying through this I just remember hearing all of these different examples about faith from people. Also at this time my car broke down. My warranty had just expired a couple months prior. I took my car in and dreaded the call from the mechanic of how much money it was going to cost. The call came and the mechanic said that it was my Catalytic converter and it would be about $1300. I sat there silently trying to think through how we would pay for it, after a pause the mechanic went on and said he did have some good news for me. He said even though your extended warranty is up you have a factory warranty that covers the whole thing. What? How does a factory warranty last longer than an extended warranty? I couldn’t believe it. Even though for some people this is explainable and makes sense, for me it was a God thing, and I believe it was God showing us that He will take care of us. So we took the step of faith and decided Kurt would work part time and go to school. Kurt applied for a few part time positions at other companies and never heard anything. Then he went into the HR office at his job and told them the situation. They moved him to float staff, and the best thing is Kurt decides what shifts he picks up! So if he has a really busy week at school, he just won’t pick any shifts up that week. How great is that? So then at the beginning of July came the next transition, Kurt working part time and doing school.

There are many stories where God has shown his faithfulness to Kurt and I and I could write pages upon pages about it. But there is one thing I wanted to share about listening to God and having faith He will be faithful to us. I was at a Hillsong concert a few months ago and realized that God doesn’t just speak to me through verses or situations. There is this song that has resonated with me this whole summer and continues to be a big part of my life in each situation I encounter. It is called Oceans, by Hillsong United. The words of the song are so powerful.

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

 

I will call upon Your Name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

 

Think of how great that place would be if we lived with a trust that had no borders, if we asked God to take us deeper than we would ever go on our own. A little scary, but so worth it! We learn to rest in God no matter what life may bring. That He has never failed us and He won’t start now.  In life we face a lot of challenges, a lot of transition, but we also have a faithful and loving God who has big plans for each one of us. To reach these big plans we have to trust that God will take us deeper then we could ever go on our own. I know that I don’t blog as much as I would like but I did want to take some time and share these powerful lyrics. Look for God in everything and you will learn to listen to what He has for you.

Dreams & Aspirations

Kurt and I’s life is changing.  That is because he has been accepted into Denver Seminary and starts classes in January. I am so excited for my husband and feel so blessed I get to support him through this adventure. This has been his dream pretty much since I have known him and it is so great to see God working and moving him to his dreams.  With this great news comes the obvious hesitation of money and time. This first semester Kurt will still work full time and attend two classes. The great thing is he can do homework at work. Throughout the semester we will re-evaluate how this is working and see what we need to change. It is great that he is able to work full time, but as his wife I support his dream and want school to be over work. If this means he doesn’t work full time next semester then I have faith that God will provide. I am so grateful that Kurt gets to experience this and get his masters in counseling.

Sometimes when people in my life start to move forward I begin to feel stagnant. To be fair I have been feeling more stagnant with certain areas of my life for a couple months now. With Kurt going to school and others around me moving forward, it makes me look at my life and wonder what my dreams are. I mean when I first started college I wanted to be a professional photographer, which I knew was a big dream, but I was determined. I love my creative side and would love to be able to dust it off more often. Then a couple of years ago after my fourth trip across seas, I felt God calling me to more than photography. This is when I began my pursuit into a human services degree and started volunteering at non-profits. After a couple semesters I ended up working at a non-profit, continue to work there, and love every minute of it. So what is my life dream? I don’t know exactly, but I do know that I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to take on new adventures and use my skills God gave me. I want to be a wonderful wife to Kurt. I want to grow in my job and be a good employee. I want to do what God calls me to do without hesitation. I want to take more pictures and use my creative side more. Honestly I don’t know what my dream is right now, but I do know I feel God moving.

Sometimes when I think of what my life’s dreams are, I think of that scene from Mr. Deeds, when he asks everyone what their dreams were when they were kids. I don’t know if I have a solid answer for my life dreams. I mean just a few weeks ago I went to dinner with some good friends, and one of them asked what my life dream was. I didn’t have an answer for her. It has had me thinking for a while. I may not have a life dream at this point, but I do know that I love God and trust that He has a plan for me. Maybe for this season of my life I am called to grow as a wife to my husband who is taking on his life dreams that God has called him too. I am extremely happy with where I am at in life; I just don’t want my life to become stagnant. 

P.S. It has been a while since I have done photos but I want to do it again, so if anyone wants pictures for free let me know, I want more practice.

Thankfulness

Well it has been quite some time since my last post, so I thought I would take some time today to write again. I wanted to write what I am thankful for. I know it is a little cliche being Thanksgiving and all but I still wanted to take some time to do this.

Having things to be thankful for is a blessing in itself, I mean I have so much to be thankful I could write pages upon pages. So many people in this world don't have things to be thankful for; sometimes because they have nothing, other times because they can't see what they have and always want more. Thank you God for everything in my life and everything you provide and give......

I am thankful for my husband, the man of my dreams, my best friend, Kurt.  I love him so much, and since the day I met him, I couldn't imagine life without him. Kurt you are so supportive of me and everything I do. You encourage and challenge me in my faith, which keep me growing closer to God. You put up with my spontaneous adventures and craziness. You love me for who I am. We have so much fun together. I can be me around you. I love you so much and I am so thankful for you everyday.

I am thankful for our dog Meeko. Yes I know he is a dog... But he is such a good dog and I am thankful that Kurt and I were able to rescue him from a puppy rescue. Meeko you make me laugh at least once a day, so glad you are apart of our family. 

I am thankful for family. My parents, my brother, my soon to be sister in-law, my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, my cousins, my great grandparents. Everyone in my family! Each one of them have such a special place in my heart. Mom and Dad thank you for being the best parents. Thank you for raising me the way you did. Thank you for always being there for me no matter what issues I brought to you. Thank you for never giving up on David or me. Thank you for choosing to continue to work on your relationship and show David and I what marriage is about. Grandparents, thank you for loving and spoiling us. I always look forward to seeing you, thank you for creating a healthy family environment for David and I. Uncles and Aunts, thank you for the life lessons and the fun times. Cousins, thank you for the fun times we have when we do see each other. Great grandparents, thank you for the love that you poured into our family. I haven't met all of my great grandparents, but I am thankful that I got to grow up with some, most people don't. Great Grandpa, you are so amazing and you had such a special place in my heart. I wish you could have met Kurt but I know that you are watching form heaven. I love you and miss you! Thank you to all my family for everything, I love each one of you so much!

I am thankful for friends, all of them. Friends get you through life, the good times and the bad. To my friends I don't talk to that much anymore, the ones who got me through high school, Thank you. Thank you for the good times. We had a lot of fun together, I know we have all gone our own ways for the most part, but I will not forget the parts of life each of you helped me get through, or the randomness of the times we hung out. You know the James Bond, football, hide and go seek with cars, and all the other times. Thank you for being apart of my life. To the friends I grew up with, the ones that I may not talk to all the time. Thank you for the fact that I know if anything happens I can always call and you will be there, and same back. To my bridesmaids, the ones who supported Kurt and I in our marrige. I love each one of you. Each one of you have a special place in our relationship as you guided and supported our relationship and still do. I know the distance in miles makes it hard to be as close, but I consider each of you to be my close friends and I am so grateful to each of you. Thank you! To all my  friends, thank you for being there, thank you for listening in those times when venting is necessary, thank you for the fun adventures, I hope that I can only be as good of friend back. 

I am also thankful for my job. I am thankful for my co-workers, each one of them put their heart into their work and make me want to be a better person. I am thankful for our girls that we work with, each one of them show so much courage by working hard for themselves and their children.

I am thankful for so so much more, but I think I will end it here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you to everyone who is apart of my life, each one of you mean so much to me. Enjoy eating turkey today, if that is what you do, and spending time with loved ones. Hopefully I will write again soon!.

First time at this....

This is my very first blog. I usually have no interest in writing but lately have been thinking more about it, so I guess we will see where this goes. I have some friends that have blogs and I guess have been inspired from them. Lately life has been changing, almost every week for the last couple months something has changed. Usually I am a person that welcomes change. I mean when I was in college I changed my school and study programs three times. Even with jobs I would change after being in a job for a couple years. Lately I have been struggling with the changes. I was content with my life and excited to not be seeking out change. Then all the sudden things started to change. With all this change it forced me to seek after God more in my every day life. I have learned a lot over the last few months from God but I still feel like I can't rest. I feel like I am walking on egg shells, just waiting for the next unexpected change. For a person that used to enjoy change, I am tired of change. Through all of this time these changes haven't necessarily been in my life, more in my husbands life. I have been trying so hard to support him through everything and I believe that he sees that support. The interesting thing is that as much as I am tired of change right now, I also have the desire to change things in my life. For so many years I have just changed things in my life to force myself to grow. But this time I feel that I am in the right places, where God has really called me to be. So instead of changing my surroundings, I am working on setting goals to grow in the places where I am. To grow my relationship with God, to grow my relationship with Kurt and my marriage, to grow myself, and to grow in my hobbies. Of course I am still working on these goals and I know it will be a while before they are completed but I am excited about the goals I have set and hoping that I can work hard on completing them. Thanks for reading this first post.